Tuesday, November 22, 2011

My I.D. and Me

MY I.D. and ME
At first it was used to regulate and define. I learned a skill and was forced to apply it without even having a decision. I was an outsider looking into the love of someone else who was a black belt and knew all the important factors of making it something successful. As for me, it didn’t hold that much significance in my life. 
But then, I found myself scribbling down the silent bars of music that passed through my history.  The concept seemed wonderfully wise and strong. I was looking at it from a different perspective and it somehow had this natural elasticity around my heart. My mind was always drifting into the world of writing where I was this caricature invented by a ballpoint.
Words would flow like waters of a rain storm in November.  It started as poetry first, rhyming the sorrows of my heart in couplets and stanzas. Fiction writer Charles Chestnutt said, “It is the dream of my life to be an author,” and suddenly, I felt like him and my heart began to sink into the puddles of the fall storm.
Passages of time never seemed to remove me from this awesome love story that had begun to develop. Writing stimulated the life of the mind of a young woman. It had deep significance on my life because the rhymed stanzas and poetry turned into something that could be sung and made me refocus my energy over to writing songs.  I loved writing poetry and songs, and I loved singing them because I loved to sing.
I am surrounded by deep thoughts that often get emptied out on to the naked lines of papyrus. I am on the subway and the signs that string around the car provide some kind of message worthy of jotting down.  I am caught up in the midst of reading Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice, and a situation that is so peculiar sparks some kind of idea that I could possibly build on.  A quote from V.S. Naipul’s A House For Mr Biswas gives so much inspiration, that it inspires a brain storm that causes me to burst my cloud and let the words all out. Then I am sitting down watching a commercial, and a significant gesture makes me want to write something down.
One day before the break, I found myself looking at the world on a deeper level. I was me in a different mask looking at life through a stranger’s eyes.  It was not my life at all, so I was simply seeing it limited in view.  I became too busy for me.  I stopped writing on my own will except for what was dictated for me to write based on assignments. I stopped holding concerts for the four wooden walls of my basement; literally. I had been trapped in a box unable to find desire or that passion I once held for what gave me my identity.  How could I leave myself out of my own life? I had to change direction.

I couldn’t speed ahead because who knew what would be found there, so I was forced to slow down the process of moving forward to be on the sane side. All I knew was that I had to change the current because who I am required me to put pen to paper, and I stopped doing it without reason or rhyme.  So I decided that it was time to reclaim myself because I am nothing without my passion. That’s when I applied the brakes and suddenly, I began cruising on a Celia Cruz salsa groove that was layered with history and shimmied me back into the flow of things.

My history is writing. I write and I sing. I love to write and I love to sing. Therefore I am a singer and a writer and I claim them both.  And here we are again, on the road to happy. Or rather, on happy. 
Some people depend on substance to give them a boost or a high that just changes the face of the earth, even for a moment in time. But all I need is a notebook and a pen and I am alright because I carry them wherever I go. Writing is my music. Music is in my spirit. I have a song with me at all times. My notebook is almost as important as my ID because in all actualities, my notebook is my ID.  My I.D. and me.  There is no me without it.

My Notebook

And if you were to find one of my many notebooks laying around somewhere, here are some selections you might find (Click on the link to view):

In the Twist of Your Comfort Zone (A Poem)

The Saga of Pinot (A Short Story)

A Piece of Musical Art (A Short Story)

Breakthrough (Lyrics that Made a Song)

Face the Music (Lyrics that Made a Song)

Thank you for Reading. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving filled with family and love. God bless!!! :)

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